I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize