Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
