btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you win again, gameday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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