that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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