It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Boobs speak an international language.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
