I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
