yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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