What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
