wrigley field is MILF paradise
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
