I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
