I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
