You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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