If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
