So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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