if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
