i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
