even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
