His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
