I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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