I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and she was petting her beer can
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
