took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize