Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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