If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
