A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
