So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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