I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
