I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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