i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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