I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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