That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
