You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
