I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
