Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
