also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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