All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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