I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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