Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
