Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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