I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
