Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You made out with two different species that night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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