You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize