I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
