I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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