dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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