my vag is so smooth its legendary
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
