Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
4 words: hood of his car
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
