I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
