let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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