i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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