i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
