I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
