how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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