I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
