You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
