I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
