You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
