I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
