Kiss
Puke
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
