yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
