when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
