I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize