Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
