She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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