DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
