dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
