sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize