Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
