Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
