that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
